Random Thoughts...

I Got "Served"!

2008-07-04T13:34:00.001-07:00

This is great... so I decided I wanted to consider looking for a few new bands to manage. So I thought I'd look outside of OC/LA, and post a craigslist ad in Portland. I immediately get back a response to my ad from a lovely band called Fused. I could not help but laugh my ass off... here is the back and forth conversation:

Original Craigslist Ad:

Los Angeles based Artist Management & Development Company looking for new bands to work with. Styles we are looking for are...

Indie Rock

Alt Rock

Pop Rock

Dance Rock

We are NOT looking for Rap, Country, Metal, or Punk, so please dont bother.

We are also only looking to work with bands that are established, touring, professional acting/looking, and have their "act" together. We are not looking for jr higher garage bands with no equipment and 70 friends on their myspace. If you are even questioning whether you qualify, then you probably dont! Please send us a Bio, Myspace link, Photo, etc. to be considered. If we are interested, we will contact you.

Thank you

Response:

From: J. Hamilton - Fused
"So i quess Alter Bridge, Disturbed or Metallica wouldn't interest you? Nobody is interested in blood sucking hangers on like yourself. There is a new thing out called the internet. Your a dinosaur, go get a job, Putz."

My Reply to Mr. Hamilton:

hahahahah...what? are you possibly retarded? did you read the ad i posted? or maybe your in some shitdouche band that sounds like alter bridge...right?

let me guess.. you are in some homoerotic cheesy metal band with "sweet leads" and long hair... right? you probably all have backwards baseball hats, gotees, and fat girlfriends....

dont worry... a blood sucker like myself would definitely have no interest in a doucherock band like yours... theres this thing called radio... i tend to like to work with bands that actually might be on it one day... not lops that still think creed, mullets, and transams are cool...

btw... far from a dinosaur... if you even had a clue who your talking to you would probably reconsider your email...

id say for you to get a job... but you probably already have one at the local walmart... so good luck..and have fun with that!

Mr. Hamilton's Reply:

Struck a nerve huh? Quess what asshole, we are on the radio and we didn't get there by using a management company that lives off of others talent. You have everything ass backwards. A really good band doesn't need you or a record label. You need them! You are a dinosuar and thats why you responded so violently. If you really want to snag some unsuspecting sucker band you might start by not talking down to them. We have dealt with your kind before and your business is no better than being a pimp. You screw everything and everybody you can and then move on. Good luck polesmoker.

Haha... Don't you just love retarded metalheads who still think they are viable to this world! Notice he didn't even bother to try and defend his more then likely fat girlfriend! Here is a link to his bands myspace site...

www.myspace.com/wwwmyspacecommadcracker

Take a look/listen and tell me how dead accurate I was with my discription of his band! (keep in mind, I did not look his myspace up until AFTER I responded to him!)

Good times!

Here is a pic of the hot ass that awaits these guys backstage after the show! Man... I am so jealous!

Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da...

2008-07-03T20:02:00.000-07:00

Here's a random one... but are retarded people legally allowed to purchase alcohol? I mean, on one hand, if they are over 21, then they should be legal to drink, right? On the other hand, the thought of a retarded guy taking down beers at a bar seems kind of dangerous... hmmm... I don't know what to think about this one. I mean... retarded people are considered people, right? So we would give them the same rights as any one of us, right? But shouldn't we limit some rights to fully functioning people? But as we all know, there are people who are not technically "retarded", but definitely sure act like they are once beer is introduced! I mean, just think about the Girls Gone Wild videos... need I say more! If normal people can act that retarded from alcohol... just think how crazy it would be to have a retarded person drunk... that would be insanity! Wow.. I think I just came up with a genius idea... forget Girls Gone Wild... its:

Tards Gone Wild!

Biker Babe of the Week!

2008-07-03T20:00:00.000-07:00

Move Over Wolverine... its Beast!

2008-07-02T22:06:00.000-07:00

This just in... Rosie O'Donnell to play Beast in X-Men 4. After hours and hours of hiding out on the set, I was able to snap this photo of Rosie in costume... on her way to the catering truck.

Don't stand in her way... you might be lunch!

I <3 Sirloin!

2008-07-02T21:48:00.000-07:00

I have a new love... and it's the Jack In The Box Sirloin Burger! If you have not yet experienced all of its glory yet for yourself... turn off your computer, stand up, get in your car, drive to Jack in the Box and order yourself a #2....

I'm serious... go now! Make sure to thank me after...

Those Boots Were Made for Walking... So Put Them On!

2008-06-25T22:19:00.000-07:00

So here's a random one, but what's the deal with people and sandals? I mean... who wants to look at some one's gross feet or dirty toes?! Why is it always the biggest, fattest chick that has to always roll out in the flip flops? Or even worse... the black platform sandals! Those things are straight imports from the 909! I personally think toes and feet are probably one of the most ugly things on this earth... right next to Pugs... (which ironically, would probably wear those platform sandals if they were humans!).

I also love the chicks with the feet that look like they grew up in Somalia, digging for blood diamonds! They are all dried out and cracked... feet that look like a 1930's catcher's mitt... so gross! Why do they think that's ok? Do they think people want to have to see that? It's like, the other day I went to the bank, and was standing in line. This lady in front of me was dressed semi-nice... she looked showered at least... and even was wearing make-up. As my eyes moved down towards the ground, I saw them... these 2 old feet that looked like a 1970's leather couch at the Goodwill. I immediately looked back up at the lady... dressed nice... looked back down... Guatemalan forest feet! I don't get it... have you heard of lotion? How about Happy Nails? So gross... but at least those Vietnamese ladies that work at those nail places always have decent clean feet... can't say the same about their breath though!

And what about those chicks who try and roll the Jesus sandals? What the heck is that all about? Did they just netflix Pocahontas, and after watching it just had to go out and buy a pair of rope sandals? Those sandals just scream dirty feet!

To all of you gross chicks rolling any form of sandals.... nobody wants to see your fat dirty feet!

This Ain't No Petting Zoo!

2008-06-23T19:12:00.000-07:00

Well... without getting to graphic or tasteless... I needed to address the issue of the Camel Toe. What the hell??? I mean seriously... what the hell? Do you not own a mirror? Do you not feel your shirts or pants being eatin' in the front? Do you not notice EVERYONE staring at you as you walk down the street?! So without getting to graphic, I have attached a few lovely examples of what I am ranting about... enjoy! I call it... To Toe or Not To Toe...

You Must be at Least 43" Tall to Ride This Blog...

2008-06-18T00:47:00.000-07:00

Why are midgets the greatest thing on earth? When you hear or think of the word midget, what is the first thing you do? Thats right... you smile and giggle! There is nothing that can bring a smile to the face faster than the thought of a dancing midget! Or even better... 2 dancing midgets! Or how about a bunch of dancing midgets running around like a Benny Hill skit? Or what about midget tossing? See what I mean... the smiles are endless! I could go on and on!

You know... everyone is making such a big deal about the election this year... the first woman president... the first black president... well what about a first midget president? How great would that be?! I say Tattoo for President!

Glamis or Bust...

2008-06-14T23:35:00.000-07:00

Why do bro's insist on having the biggest truck on earth? They live in normal cities, with normal roads, and yet they feel the need to have a truck that can climb over any curb! I mean, all they do is drive back and forth to work at Chilis...do they need to splurge on the 20" lift kit? And why the heck do they always have a trailer hitch off the back of it that hangs down 30' and is chrome plated? Do they even pull trailers... or is that just the typical bro accessory? Along with chrome exhaust tip, mudflaps, chrome flame grill, and flamed out ford logo on the back. And lets not forget about the sticker kit... worlds biggest truck needs worlds biggest sticker on the back window, right?
Here's a great resource I found that pretty much sums it all up....

http://www.flatbiller.com/

mmmm......Chilis...

No Shoes, No Legs, No Service...

2008-06-14T20:59:00.000-07:00

So what's the deal with the stick figure family stickers on the back of the car? I don't get it? Why would you want a stupid sticker of a bunch of stick figures on the back of your sweet 1994 dodge caravan... saying Dad, Mom, Kid, dog, cat, etc.? So lame...

So the other day I'm driving, and I see a van with one of those stickers on the back... and as I pull up next to the driver, I see that the guy is in a wheelchair driving... now i assume that he was the "dad" in the family... or the "dad" in the sticker. But here is where I have a problem... as I back off and pulled back behind him, I noticed that the picture of the "dad" in the sticker had legs and wasn't in a wheel chair... what's the deal with that? I mean.. is that false advertising? Wishful thinking? Did the guy have legs when he bought the sticker, but recently lost his legs, and forgot to update the sticker? I mean, the van was modified for a wheelchair driver.. but the sticker wasn't? hmmm...

Ode to the Douchetooth...

2008-06-10T23:16:00.000-07:00

What's up with these bluetooth headset things that every dork and douchebag are wearing now? I mean, I get why some people need them for driving, cause driving with one hand is WAY to hard... but why do they insist on wearing them 24/7? Why do you need a dumb looking thing with a blinking blue light hanging off your ear while at dinner with your family on a thursday night? And then you see the 50 year old ladies wearing them at a market... why? Who might call you... death?? Here's my ode to the Douchetooth...

"Hello... Mom... I'm ready to be picked up from Hobby City"

"Hey, check it out... I can finally talk to my boyfriend while playing John Mayer songs in the quad on my guitar!"

"Hi, Linda... can you stop by the cleaners and pick up my tweety bird leather jacket... thanks babe"

"Biiiiiiilllly.... I make poo poo"

"Hello... Death... I'm ready for you"

"Ya... I'm gonna need 2 fish, 5 loafs of bread, some manna, and a PBR Tallboy...."

Where's the Beef.. or Pork.. or...??

2008-06-10T22:38:00.000-07:00

Dear McDonald's...

You brought us McMuffin... You brought us McFlurry... You Brought us McSkillet, McGrill, McSalad, and the delicious McGriddle... but there is one thing that you have taken from us, over and over, and have failed to return to us.... the one, the only.... the McRib! The delicious McRib...with that beautiful shape, and fake rib bones.... tangy bbq sauce, and even grill marks... what a beautiful, tasty piece of art! McDonald's... please bring the McRib... us McFans miss it!

I Give You... The Wizard!

2008-06-10T20:47:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I hate having tattoos. Why is it that just because I have tattoos, every redneck and retard feels the need to ask me how much they cost me? Or to put it in their own words, "How much did them tattoos cost'ed you?" I don't get it? I mean, first of all.. who keeps track?? Like I have some excel spreadsheet on my computer at home with a running total! Second of all... who asks that? I mean... how do I answer that.. "..more then your food stamps allow"? My favorite question once was, "are those real?"... are you serious?? No, they are fake.. I wake up every morning and draw them on, carefully making them look faded from the years... and of course keeping my right arm just outlined.. cause I'd hate to have to draw the color in on that side! Why are people so dumb? Why??

And why after they ask you how much they cost, or are they real, do they always lift up their shirt to show you their shitty tattoo that they got from their cousin Badger down by the swimmin' hole? I don't get it... are you looking at mine, and then somehow comparing yours to mine.. and thinking that we have some sort of cosmic connection now? I'd rather take a vegatable pealer to my arms and peal off all my skin before having anything to do with you and your shitty merlin tattoo!

Or how about when you give them a ballpark idea of how much you paid for it, and they pull up their shirt and say, "I got this for $60"... ya.. well... you can also get a hooker for $60 and have her give you something that'll last for the rest of your life; doesn't make it good! Why are people so dumb? Why??

All this talk about tattoos... I think I need to make an appointment...

Asian Driver, No Survivor...

2008-06-10T20:19:00.000-07:00

So why do immigrants from other countries come to the US, just to all move into the same neighborhood (sometimes the same house) and just turn the neighborhood into their crappy country that they didn't want to live in in the first place?! Take Westminster for example... one minute your driving down Garden Grove Blvd in Orange County CA, the next minute your in Little Saigon CA.... wtf?? Why does the state give them their own city? Do they need their own city? I don't get it.. Didn't they come to America to become an American and be apart of this country... or are they just looking to rape it of its benefits? Its like, this country is only good enough for profit.. but not to be truly part of.

So I've decided that I want my own city... I'll call it Little Polandgermanfranceirelandnorway! And just like Little Saigon... there won't be one word of english anywhere!

Can I Get a Coffee With Those Donuts?

2008-06-09T15:56:00.000-07:00

So what's up with the recent trend of fat girls trying to squeeze into skinny girls clothing? Does that make them feel skinny? Do they think that if they squeeze into a smaller size, that maybe we all will see them as skinny? Do any of them own mirrors? I don't get it?? If your fat, embrace it... where a moo-moo... but don't squeeze your size 16 body into a pair of size 6 skinny jeans and call yourself emo! I mean, you're really taking the words "stretch jeans" literally, aren't you?! And how about a shirt that covers all those rolls? Who wants to see that?

While I'm at it... why do fat girls always have the most ridiculous hair cuts and manicures?! Do they think you won't notice that they are 2 bills if they have a dead peacock for a a haircut and 2 inch bright pink nails? Maybe save the money on the bad haircut and manicure, and sign up for 24hr fitness??

Just a random thought....

Nihilism

2008-06-09T14:07:00.000-07:00

Came across this quote today, and thought it was very interesting...

"If in everyday life, you are asked about continued existence after death by one of those people who would like to know everything but refuse to learn anything, the most appropriate and approximately correct answer is: 'After your death you will be what you were before your birth.' For this answer implies that it is preposterous to demand that a species of existence which had a beginning should not have an end; in addition, however, it contains a hint that there may be two kinds of existence and, correspondingly, two kinds of nothingness."

-Arthur Schopenhauer

Tickle My Pinkberry...

2008-06-08T23:59:00.000-07:00

Dear Pinkberry...

Oh how I love thee! You make me feel so good... so full... so alive! You are my new drug... I will obey your every command.

Your loyal servant...

Sean

2008-06-08T23:37:00.000-07:00

?No sé cómo caca que se puso en mi pañal?

This week on Diamonds & Douche...

2008-06-08T17:00:00.000-07:00

Whats the deal with bros and diamond earrings? Are they serious? Do they think they have us all fooled into thinking they're actually real diamonds?? I mean, do they really believe that we all think that their $10/hr jobs afford them 5 carat earrings? Whats their deal? Why do they want to look like a wigger so bad?? There is only one word that can describe them...

DOUCHEBAG

Here's a few examples of the typical douchebag bro...

Driving...

2008-05-20T09:27:00.001-07:00

Why do old people have drivers licenses?
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Mexicans + Grass = Daytime Hotel

2008-05-20T09:19:00.000-07:00

Why is it that when a mexican see's a patch of grass, he must lay down and take a nap there? Doesn't matter where it is... a park... front lawn... next to the sidewalk of a busy street...

Grass = Sleepy Mexican

Just a random thought...